Around this time last year, I was sending out postcards wishing everyone a Merry Christmas from Mother Mary’s Journeys and advertising my upcoming pilgrimage to France in 2014. Mother Mary’s Journeys was launched in September 2013 as a spiritual travel company with a special focus on going to the healing places where Mary, the Blessed Mother, had given messages or places that were considered her sacred sites. This version of Mother Mary’s Journeys was my original calling, but as it turns out, it’s not my only one.

My trip, organized by a travel company, didn’t take off in July 2014 like I had hoped. The handwriting was on the wall early in the new year and by March, I knew the trip wasn’t going to happen. I felt like a failure. I felt so embarrassed. I wanted to hide…forever, because I’d staked everything on this one idea and couldn’t get it off the ground. Even though the most successful entrepreneurs bang the drum that failure is necessary! Failure is required! Fail until you succeed! Those words didn’t make me feel any better in the early months of 2014. All I could think was, “Now what?!!”

*Cue the internal jukebox*

Now, nothing’s impossible, I have found for when my chin is on the ground, I pick myself up, dust myself off, and start all over again.

Don’t lose your confidence if you slip. Be grateful for a pleasant trip. Just pick yourself up. Dust off and start all over again.

This jaunty tune and the voice of Frank Sinatra came to me when my whole being was on the ground. Then Bob Marley chimed in about three little birds, outside my doorstep, singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true…saying “This is my message to you, hoo, hoo…”

Don’t worry, about a thing, ‘cause every little thing’s gonna be alright.

Was every little thing gonna be alright? Because it sure didn’t feel that way at the time! I didn’t know or understand that “alright” also meant letting go of expectations of how things were supposed to turn out in my life. Without expectations and limits on myself, everything was and is going to be alright and different!

At the time, I had begun practicing an energy healing technique that I had learned at the end of 2013. This type of healing had done wonders to relieve my stress and anxiety, helping me feel lighter, calmer and clearer. Now I was practicing it at the same pro bono healing clinic where I’d experienced it for the first time. In the early days, I didn’t have much confidence in what I was doing, but it gave me something to focus on while I figured out how to reboot Mother Mary’s Journeys.

Thank goodness the clinic was free, because I didn’t think my healing skills were worth much more than that! It was the difference between what’s seen and unseen, and I was a sceptic of the unseen. Because I couldn’t see with my eyes what was happening during a healing session, I wrongly assumed that nothing was happening…except it was. My clients could feel energy moving and relief from their pain. They too felt lighter, calmer, and clearer. This feedback was the encouragement I needed to keep on practicing and trusting in myself.

One night at the clinic, a young woman was assigned to me. She worked in a nightclub and was covered in tattoos, including several of Mother Mary. As I worked, we chitchatted, but near the end she said,

“Did you know Mary is standing behind you?”

Did I?! I’d felt her presence, but had never seen her. I certainly didn’t trust at the time that what I was feeling was real.

“She said she stands behind you all the time. Please trust the journey you’re on.”

“Uh, what else?!”

“We’re surrounded by angels.”

Wow. I’d sensed that too, but again I blew it off. I thought I was just imagining things.

So, my time of playing small and not wanting to be seen was over. To me, this was a call to begin trusting in Divine guidance in not just this, but all aspects of my life. It was time to believe in the seen and unseen things. Mother Mary was working with me and through me every day and in everything.

I was at a loss for a way to reconcile healing and Mother Mary’s Journeys. Over time though, I began to understand how spiritually healing journeys and physical and emotional healing really went hand in hand. Mother Mary’s Journeys has always been about healing – spiritual healing in the sacred places of Mary; it was just my understanding of healing and my role in healing that changed.

I’m still negotiating this new role. The negotiation is really about stepping out as a healer, about owning it and about truly knowing that I am just the vessel. Divine guidance is doing the healing work through me. I am not “doing” any of it. This is everything to do with releasing control and allowing God to work through me in the way that God wants to work through me. This goes for all aspects of my work, Mother Mary’s Journeys included.

My capacity to heal myself and others has grown exponentially since January 2014 because I stopped refusing to accept the divinity in me. In the spirit of New Year’s resolutions, I choose from here on out to allow this Divine aspect of myself to take the lead on Mother Mary’s Journeys and all that she is. The ego with it’s tendency toward worry, control and perfectionism has been given the back seat.

The July 2014 trip to France didn’t happen for a reason. It wasn’t not the easiest pill to swallow, but I’ve accepted it and learned from it. So after picking myself up, dusting myself off and starting over again, is there another trip in the works? Yes. This one is the result of a lot of prayer and a lot of listening. The itinerary hasn’t really changed and the objective of spiritual healing with Mother Mary hasn’t changed. I’m the one who had to change by letting go of expectations and allowing my Divine self to grow into someone new and different.

Now that 2014 has come to a close and 2015 has begun, Mother Mary’s Journeys is more in alignment with spirit than ever.